Writing Stuff: My Precious Outlet

As you can probably already assume by now, I have a secret (or not-so-secret in this case) passion for writing. I like seeing words appear on the screen before me, forming organizes paragraphs and papers, and even going out of my way to make sentences more exciting. Now my childhood didn't consist of tons and tons of filled journals, secrets and annoyances flooding each and every page, but I definitely took dents at some. Even looking back now, I love seeing how my thoughts have changed and even matured, if you will.

So basically, I see my passion for writing as a great strength. Nine times out of ten, I'd rather write a letter to someone than actually confront them in person about my true feelings. Heck, I've already written three letters to a guy who I've talked to maybe five times telling him how drawn to him I am. Yeah. That's right. You heard me. Drawn to him. My word choice has purpose, people. I mean, obviously I haven't posted any of them on here nor have I intended to send them to him any time soon, I just like seeing my feelings written out.

My very first year of college, which literally just ended a little over two months ago, I learned so much more than I pictured learning. Honestly, elementary, middle, and high school flew by me so fast that I can hardly remember which Native American tribe settled where and what books I had to write papers about. But college, boy. College is a different story altogether. In a sense, I feel completely alive and alert to my education here. Like I've legitimately matured up to this point for the sole purpose of taking in what I'm learning and soaking it up like a sponge.

As one or multiple of my other posts has likely already mentioned, I've wanted to be a teacher since I was basically told what a teacher was. My brother, less than four years younger than me, has been under my teaching and watchful eye as I learned addition problems and how to differentiate "there" from "their." Our school-playing was my peak into that lifestyle that I thought I knew so much about, but only my continued years in school could teach me. I marveled endlessly at learning and how much homework I could get done at school versus at home, and how I can balance everything being thrown at me.

But one thing I knew for sure that whole time was that I would never, ever not love school. Which, ideally is going to help me be a bomb-dot-com teacher someday. But ANYWAYS. Back to my point with college. Although these physics equations and ancient photography techniques from my first year there are long since gone, I see the benefits I'm having just holding on to the random lessons that did impact me. I like to consider myself a well-rounded student, but college is starting to drive me in very specific directions now.

One of the very first classes I took in college was a writing class. My approach to this was more on the fearful side, especially considering college has a reputation for "Write a seven-page essay by tomorrow morning!" But by the time the professor handed out the assignment calendar and expectations for the class, I knew right then it was going to be a hundred times more bearable. Actually, it ended up being one of my favorite classes I've taken so far.

I think one thing that I was most drawn to by this required class was how much variance there was in the subject matters. I found myself writing about so many different topics and was able to learn so much more about how writing can be effective. In my high school years, I remember taking an "Intro to Journalism" class which I ended up thoroughly enjoying. I was amazed at how many connections I could make between that class and my simple college writing class, especially in relation to how well I could develop my ideas into a paper.

One other thing I found very, very intriguing about the class was when I had to peer review papers from other students in my class. Not only was I surprised by how great some of them wrote, but I was also shocked in my seat by the number of "thrown together" and strangely bad ones I came across. I had close to no idea what a group of college students would be like academically at my school, but I did have some seriously high hopes coming in.

Another thought I had with this matter is how surprised I was by the number of students in my classes that use the Internet as a means of credibility to their work. For some reason, in all my years of schooling, I never really imagined that using the Internet for questions I have and things I'm unsure about as a resource. I just always assumed things were in the textbook and if I didn't get it there I could ask the teacher. But I had students in one of my other classes (one of my summer classes, actually) use answers from the INTERNET for their quiz answers. ...Honestly, haven't we been learning our entire education journey NOT to plagiarize? Obviously, if your wording and formatting is too good to be recognized as student-written work, YOU WILL GET CAUGHT.

Ugh. People. But in all seriousness, I take my writing very seriously. I pride myself on whipping out papers when I'm finally motivated enough to, and organizing all the required pieces of the paper I need. I take my time and I actually usually care about my writing because I'm putting thought into it.

Like this blog, for example. I never post anything on here that doesn't express how I'm feeling or processing life because I care about my product. I feel like I put enough in one of these posts to publish and I take credit for coming up with these random rants. And honestly, it just helps. It helps with life and my thoughts and how I see things. I like reading them back because writing lets me put my feelings on paper/a screen and allows me to see myself.

So, yeah. Writing rocks.

Rant of the Day: Don't Be a User, Be Cooler (That doesn't even sort of rhyme...)

People who use other people are dumb.

Like, hey, let's be friends. Wait, no, actually just be my friend so I can have you in my life for support cause I need as much of that in my life as possible. WELL GUESS WHAT. BEING USED IS STUPID AND KIND OF HURTFUL.

I mean honestly, don't people ever stop to think, "Hey. This friend is being really supportive of me. I should thank them for their generosity and the time they've given up to help me out" or even, "Wow. This friend rocks all my socks. I should make sure I'm AS supportive to them as they are to me."

But then this all comes back to the idea that *You shouldn't expect things in return because that's the nice thing to do.* Well WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS. Shouldn't friendship be kind of an exception to that rule? Like I have plenty of people in my life that are totally and fully there for me, but should I just expect that from ALL my friends I have? Or is it okay to have those friends that you can tell anything to, they tell you everything, and your input matters more than the fact that they have absolutely no care in the world for you and how your life is going?

Because approaching someone like, "Hey, how are you?" sounds like genuine interest, right? And like they actually want to start a conversation with you about how you are doing. But then it turns into me reciprocating the question and then a follow-up of just THEIR LIFE. "These are my problems, this is what's happening with my life, this is how I'm feeling, this is how my family is treating me, this is how bored and lonely I am, blah, blah, blah..."

Well, GUESS WHAT. I have a life too, friend. I have problems, I have issues, I have boredom and loneliness streaks, but I don't need to seek out people to help me feel better about myself all the darn time. I'm not trying to be 100% on the offensive wagon here, but there's a time and place for things and I don't know how telling more people about your problems is actually going to solve them. Cause "You're the only one I've ever told" and "I trust you enough to keep this information" are just lies at the end of the day and I can't afford to be around people who treat me like that. Especially when they're asking *me* for advice on stuff.

Like I'm really sorry about your life, but you're giving me more worry to deal with and my advice is about as worthless as a popsicle in the wintertime. But honestly, why is it so easy for me to keep playing this game? Why do I expect something different in our friendship than just me telling you "It's okay" and "You'll get through it" and "You are better than that" all the time? When is it time for me to put my foot down and say, "Hey, yeah, I want something out of this friendship too. I don't do one-sided for long until I give you the boot. I don't work like that. I expect more from the people I care about"?

So pretending you're okay with one-sided friendships is so dang easy, but it's even easier to admit that you're better than something like that. There's a fine line between wanting to trust someone with your thoughts and feelings, and being a friend to that person that's listening to you.

So there. Lesson of the day: Be a good friend. Good friends rock. Good friends don't cause problems because they care on a different level. Peace out.