You Know It, I'm Not a Real Poet

Ah-HA! I am back. Yes, I know it's been close to forever since I've written anything, mostly because college life has been complete busy chaos. Quick general life update: Sophomore year was swell and I finished strong (in my opinion), I get to live my summer in my lovely college town, I will be working two jobs that will take up the majority of my time, and it's gonna be all good in the hood.

So I usually post things for the sole purpose of ranting, but this time I'm going to post some other random stuff. Because of the complexity of my anxiety, as I've talked about in previous posts, I use a lot of different outlets to, well, get it out of me. One of my favorite and most effective ways of release is by writing and drawing in journals. I wrote a few poems today and a few months back that I really liked and I felt like really envelope how I'm feeling right now, and I've decided to share those. Cause I like them. And because seeing self-expression makes me feel better about myself, especially when I can explain stuff in a different medium other than through my physical body.

Some of these poems are about my anxious mind in general and others are more situational and have a basis on what's going on in my life right now. I have a knack for giving things titles, so I gave some of them titles but others didn't feel right to me to write titles to. Just as a heads up, I am in no way a poet and I do not intend to tell you miraculous poems that are going to blow your mind. This is just me putting words to my feelings, I am not turning this in for a grade or to a publisher because I'm not actually an expert at this. Self. Expression. Okay, so anyways, here goes.

The lonesome days
The clouded mind
The dreary limbs
The weighted heart
The deep desire
The cold connections
The fluff to fill
The potential mate
The rude judgement
The slanted comment
The unsure act
The crowded body
    The crowded body
       The crowded body
           The crowded body
       No room for more
    But keep going anyways
       One day at a time
           They say
       Suck it up and fake it
The contradicting images
The off-putting sight
The sunken confidence
The worthless depth
The constant reiteration
The crowded body
Searching for a time and place
Where vicious cycles are gone
And evenly distributed feelings
Aren't muted for eternity
Because everyone is here at once.

"The Storm"

The sky rumbles
As my insides scramble
The leaves fall to the ground
But my tears remain in storage
The rain flows down freely
But my emotions are stuck inside
The depth of the darkness
Is my inner cry for understanding
The swaying leaves
Are my unstable thoughts
The dirt of the land fills with water
My mind fills with frustration
The uneven pace of the storm
Is my unpredictable self
The heavier the downpour
The heavier my heart
The heat swirls into a mist
My head clogs up the steam
The leaves stand in way of rain
My mind stands in way of my expression
The droplets stay steady for a while
But like my thoughts
The pattern will not last forever
Lightning strikes but once in a while
And the panic comes too close behind

"Hope but Hurt"

My heart can ache for you
My desire can scream for you
The depth of my hope can reach for you
My emotions I can invest in you
My energy can pour into you

But reality and sense are what hit me too hard
I think of settling and am scared to wish for good things
All I see is the good vibes and the understanding
The confidence and the compliments
The attraction and the attitude
But the longing and the hopeful heart
And the guilt and the sadness
With the misunderstanding and the stiff change

Something is better
Something needs no compromise
But the hurt of my heart
Is too much to say no
So I am going against my pain
And sticking with hope
Because hope is just a different hurt


So yay, cool, thanks for reading my poetry rants. I'm realizing now that they're all kind of a downer, so I'm sorry if you're sad now. It's not my fault, cause you're the one that decided to read this. So, HA. Okay, anyways, thanks for reading and all, I'll probably post more this summer. TOODLES.