Growing Up Is Crazy, Man

Hey blog world!

I'm back again. A senior in college now. This is it. It's the home stretch. I'm going to graduate and be thrown into the real world of possibilities and the UNKNOWN.

"So yeah I'm totally ready for anything and feel super prepared for all that life throws at me," said no one, ever.

But hey, if you did think you know what you're doing, you should probably start reevaluating your life cause you need to be confused all the time. I learned that when I stepped foot into my first Calculus I class of my life in college. Just when you start to think you understand what's going on, you get bombarded with new information that makes you rethink every belief you've ever had in your life. I'm serious. It goes that deep. Math does things to ya, man.

This last year of school for me (actual tears are running, I don't know how to live without school) has been a really interesting one for me so far. I'm barely a month into my senior year and I'm already reevaluating my entire career plan. I got placed into a fourth grade classroom and it's my first time experiencing a chaotic, chatty classroom of children who don't like to pay attention. Previously in college, I was in a super well-behaved second grade classroom during the spring, so they were all chipper and ready to learn. Now that I'm thrown into a classroom of rambunctious kids, everything is starting to terrify me.

I actually get to see firsthand how the teacher plans her lessons, what books she uses (THEY HAVE SO MANY WORDS), how she has to follow the standards, and how she has to eventually teach more subjects the students are not yet learning about (science, social studies, etc.). You guys, there are SO many things teachers need to be worried about. And barely enough time in the day to do it all. Not to mention the 85 emails they need to promptly respond to every day. Oh and the meetings. Don't forget the meetings.

I mean, I did understand what kinds of things I would be getting into before committing to teaching, but now that I see it all in front of me, things are scaring me. But when things scare me, that's usually when I need to shut up and deal with it. What a humbling motto.

Part of me realizes that having 800 things to do at once as a teacher is something I am totally capable of, it just seems so daunting because I'm not actually in the world of teaching right now. From what I hear, we have to do more work/projects in a small amount of time when we student teach compared to when we actually teach in real life. It's all about evaluating and explaining and reflecting on what you're doing. That's something that's supposed to be embedded in your teaching but not as formally as you do as a pre-service teacher.

One cool thing about wanting to be a teacher though is that you get to hang out with kids and teach them the ways of the world. In the classroom I'm in right now, the teacher has a super traditional approach to math. There isn't anything wrong with that, it's just that so much has changed in regards to peer interactions and the importance of socializing in the classroom that I always expect more out of modern day teachers. But it's really so easy to fall back on traditional teacher teaching students at the front of the room approaches because we teach what we know. And what we know is that approach and that approach only, because that's how we were structured to learn in school.

Nowadays, there's math talk, collaborative projects with student jobs, checking with a partner, and other methods that allow for students to interact and not simply sit there trying to keep up with the teacher. I'm sort of at the point now where I'm fearful that I'll fall into the traditional way of teaching. Obviously this is a style that students are very capable of understanding and following, I'm not saying it's all awful, but it isn't letting them build as many skills.

Another topic I want to stand on a soapbox about is simply using the textbook materials (ie.-the textbook, workbook, etc.) to teach. It makes me cringe just thinking about only showing students one way of doing something and having them do assignments solely on that because that's what's in the book. I like the idea of games or puzzles or worksheets that incorporate fun into their perception of a subject.

(If you haven't figured it out already, I'm very passionate about math and how it's taught. That's what being a math minor does to your feelings.)

Ideally, I can't ever get to every student and meet every one of their learning needs simply to get them to like a subject. I should never expect to be a teacher that gets every student she teaches a shot of excitement about learning. My true role in it all is to have the attitude that embodies the excitement. Because if I'm not even remotely excited about what's being taught, how can I expect my students to have a positive outlook on school?

Another thing I've been thinking about a lot is what kind of teacher I'm going to be. It's scary thinking that this is the job I've always always always imagined myself doing and a part of me doesn't want to fricking screw this up. My biggest fear throughout my entire education, not just in my college courses but through my life as a student in general, is that I won't know enough. That I won't have an answer for a question a student asks me or be able to provide enough information about something because I decided not to educate myself enough (ie.- the government, court cases, literally all of the subject of science). But I've stepped back recently and realized... ya know what... I don't really have to know everything.

I can know some things and then re-learn more as I go. If the students are learning about the human body, I can just research the human body. I can give kids a chance to explore with me, that's the whole point of education to begin with! WE'RE ALL FREAKING LEARNING TOGETHER. So if a student asks me a question like, "What's the difference between the republican and democratic parties?" I can just go, "I don't know" (And obviously get back to them on that answer cause I'm not a jerk).

But not knowing doesn't make me any less of a teacher. That's what I just realized. We don't all know the capitals of the states or why the Appalachian Mountains have rounded peaks or why fish lay eggs or what types of objections you can use in court. We just gotta figure it out if we need to. We should be the ones giving the students the resources to figure it out on their own.

That's what teachers do; they facilitate learning. They don't teach you every single thing about life. They teach you what they're supposed to and students can keep that learning going when they're curious about knowing more.

Education is so cool. What's even cooler is that I've never been a perfect student in my schooling, yet I have the opportunity to teach. I get to be in the front of the classroom. I get to bond with the students. I get to teach students based on what they respond best to.

Frick yeah, man.