Being Hung Up On a Guy: Hurting You or Helping You?

"Don't get hung over by some guy."

What does this even mean? How do you define this sentence? What does it translate to?

"Don't waste your time."
"He isn't even worth it."
"Get over him, he doesn't even know you exist."
"Stop obsessing over the 'what if's'."

But if we cut it apart, we have the phrases "hung over" and "some guy" left. So essentially, being "hung over" by a guy is considered being wasteful of the amount of time you're spending obsessing. Am I right? Because being "hung over" sounds more like a dreary state of being, probably much like the binging of alcohol transferring into the following day. But have you ever considered being "hung over" by a guy as a good thing? In all honesty, I don't have a truthful answer for this because my experience with guys is so miniscule that it basically doesn't give me a right to say any of this (But I will be saying it anyways SO THERE).

So here's what I think: I think that being hung over by a guy isn't a bad thing. Because spending time oogling over "some guy" can be considered worth it. Granted, I'm the queen of NOT pursuing interest and NOT making any possible hint towards my likeness toward a guy because I'm an over-analyzer with everything. I'm the worrier, the second-guesser, and the doubter. And probably a little afraid of rejection too.

Now I know you're probably thinking, 'Okay, what is this chick's point? She has practically no experience with guys, and she's trying to give us some sort of wisdom about something probably stupid and worthless.' Well, listen up here, losers. I may be inexperienced, too quiet, too shy, too much of a thinker, and too lame to show interest in a guy, but I have a confidence bubble. And around my confidence bubble is another large bubble of patience. That's right, I have confidence AND patience. And I embrace it. Because without both, I think I would be a complete mess.

So again, what the crap is my point? The point is, I'm waiting. I'm waiting to be "hung over" by some guy because I can't possibly imagine myself without them. In this situation, I guess "hung over" could be defined as "head-over-heels" or even "can't get over this feeling right now-ness." Sure I haven't found someone yet, but I know what I want and I'm striving to find it. Because there is no such thing as being hung over by some guy, when that certain guy is the right guy.

BUT...(there is a but)... I am indeed "hung over" by a guy. I don't know if he's the right guy, but the checklist has been filled. Yes, I have a checklist. It isn't all written down and word-processed or even carved into stone, but I have one. And it's keeping me going. Sure my high standards prevent me from being more open to other options, but it's extremely hard to shake them. I mean honestly, what is wrong with not settling for anything less? That's where my confidence and patience bubbles come in. I have enough confidence in my faith, my life, and myself to know that I can be patient long enough to find somebody. I. Just. Have. To. Wait.

I'm guessing you're still stuck on the part where I briefly mentioned a "he" of some sort. Yes, there's someone roaming around my college right now that I can't get out of my head. I'm stubborn and stingy and constantly frustrated with myself because I'm not doing anything about it. I know that I exist to him and he's proven that before, I just don't know how to shift myself over into the spotlight more. I've only been in one relationship before and I did virtually nothing of the sorts to start it, because I wasn't expecting him to like me. I never expect any guys to like me for that matter anyways, since I'm constantly an awkward piece of human interaction.

Seriously though, I'm not writing this for your pity and your sad puppy eyes for the "Awww, guys like you, Maddy, I'm sure they do." ...Yeah. You can stop now. I'm not here on this planet to celebrate a pity party for my problems. (I hate complainers anyways, which is why I try to clear the air in these blog posts.)

So really, why haven't I had much experience with guys? Why haven't I "tried the ropes out" or bopped around options? Well... Because. I don't like wasting people's time and I don't like feeling idiotic. With the cheesey-ness factor in mind, I want to be friends with a guy first. I want to be so annoyingly comfortable around him that we literally can't see normalcy. And my life has not consisted of a ton of opportunity to have any guy friends anyways, so that's were I'm left at.

So. *Absorbs all the previous information again.* Guys. Guys are insane. As my best friend and I often conclude our conversations about boys, "UGH. Boys are stupid. That's it. I'm seriously gonna just get cats. I don't need a guy. I need cats." (This is entirely true, we say this all the freaking time. Because boys are a frustrating subject.) But the best part about all this is that I can be so "hung over" by some guy that it hurts and still maintain some sense. Some sense in my value, in my character, and especially in my faith.

Because honestly, without those three things, I would be nothing. Notice: None of those things are a guy. And this doesn't mean I don't need a guy (cause if there's anything you learn from this post, it's that I want one...), it just means that a guy might add to who I am and who I think I want to be. What's wrong with having someone along with you on your ride through life? I mean, I'm confused with the future as it is, but having someone with me would make it so, so much better. Easier, even.

But let's be real here... I would love to have a life companion. A male life companion. Someone who I don't feel like an idiot around and someone who I can be myself with and share my life with. I just want to be "hung over" by someone who is so "head-over-heels" with me that it hurts. But in a good way.

Life Is A Body of Water, Maybe a River?

One of the weirdest parts about growing up is that you sometimes feel like you're floating in a giant pool called life. As if your past seems like it drifted off toward the shallow end and you're somewhere in the middle of the pool, dreading the overwhelming deep end. Everyone's on the outside, out of the water shouting contradicting commands.

"Keep swimming! You can do it!"
"Wallow in the middle for a while longer, you're not ready yet!"
"Just jump right into it and deal with the consequences later!"
"Honestly, Maddy, do whatever feels right!"
"You'll be fine, stop being such a wuss!"

Do you take one route, or the other? Do you drift into the deep end for a while and get your feet wet, but not too far or you might fall flat on your face? Do you back-track before you start doggy-paddling? There are just too many routes and too many people influencing when or how you should approach life.

One of my favorite (and by favorite, I mean LEAST favorite) phrases is "Just follow your heart." ...I mean honestly, when you read that do you automatically know 'Oh, yeah, totally. I know what my heart's saying cause it can talk. It's like my conscience, it always knows what's up and I can totally figure out what to do in any situation imaginable.' Um. NO. What the heck does that even mean?! YOUR HEART CAN'T SPEAK NOR CAN IT SHOW YOU PATHS TO FOLLOW. SO WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE FOLLOWING.

Oh, but don't forget: "Follow what your heart is telling you, not your head." ... Perfect! That just makes so much sense! Yeah, just ignore arguably your most valuable piece of awesomeness and interpret the answer from the thump-thumping of your heart. Whew! What a relief! Genius!

I may be acting too literal in this situation, but I have a seriously confusing outlook on this idea. Somehow people in movies and storybooks can do it, but we can't, can we? Have we all just made up this crazy belief that our hearts have the real answers in them? Well, maybe. But if that's what works for ya, you go for it. Swim away in that pool past all the ridicules of how you should live.

In actuality, I've never been much of a swimmer. I took one swimming class at a beach when I was younger and mostly hated it. I also have a sort-of-fear of drowning. Even though the chance of that actually happening is quite slim, I still find myself avoiding deep water by all costs. But, back to my metaphorical terms, me not being a swimmer makes me a wallower. I wallow in the middle all the time, casually drifting back to my pastimes while casually drifting into the scary deep end (aka my future). I try to jump into society a little for my upcoming life journeys, but it always ends up being more of a hop.

Switching topics again (sorry for the overwhelming skipping around, my mind just bops around subjects in my head), I want to just briefly bring up my anxious mind. Point blank, I'm a worrier and anxiety has been a personal struggle of mine. I've dealt with it for so long that I finally decided to get serious help for it. And no, I don't mean therapy, because I've done enough of that to write a book about it. I got legitimate medical help and am seeing life in a different light. If the light of life was blue before, it's basically purple now (cause everyone knows purple is better). Fortunately, I have been able to push aside enormous loads that I've never been able to push away before. There's practically a bridge divided in my brain that allows my anxious thoughts to shove to the back.

I can honestly say that my bravery set sail and I am now much more willing to jump toward the deep end, rather than hop. The thump-thumping of my heartbeat might not be followable (that's not a word, but it should be), but I do find it to be a lot more trustworthy. Even matured, in a sense. Because guess what? Your physical heart might not be hard to follow (since it's always where you are), but your soul is. And your soul is what connects to your heart because your heart is what connects to the world which connects to the love of it.

So instead of following that blood-pumping organ, take a jump. A leap, even. You just might figure out what your soul is like, what you believe in. Because you aren't just your soul, your soul is you.